proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
