I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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