He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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