i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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