I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
