At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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