the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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