I got chris browned last night
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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