I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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