just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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