I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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