No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
