my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
