I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
