I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
