She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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