When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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