I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
