So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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