I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Are we still banned from the library?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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