theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
