I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
