Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
