we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
