Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
