My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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