You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
