All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
