he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
