i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
