words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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