We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
