i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
