There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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