I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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