my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I need moral support for this bender
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
