I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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