States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
