you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
