I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
