that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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