I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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