Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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