He is an equal opportunity slut.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
