i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
