U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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