Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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