I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
