It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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