Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
